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The best ways to make your kids hate you during divorce

In our practice we find many stories of children being upset, defiant and ultimately unhappy. The stories are truly heartbreaking, and the common theme surrounding their despair is that parents (yes, both parents) are equally responsible for their troubles. For the most part, children of divorce are very resilient, and in time they become successful and productive adults. However, the scars inflicted through divorce are very real and in some cases, the resentment still remains.

With that, we highlight a few sure-fire ways to make your kids hate you while you are divorcing, so that you can avoid them.

Fact or Fiction? A 10-year marriage guarantees alimony (spousal support in California) for life

Marital happiness lasts for approximately seven years before the average spouse begins to get restless and stray from their vows of faithfulness - or so says the theory of "The 7-Year Itch." It probably isn't a good idea to put significant stock in a theory popularized by a movie starring Marilyn Monroe, but the concept is not complete fiction.

The underlying truth of this theory is that marriage is hard work. In the honeymoon phase, spouses are more forgiving or willing to compromise. Tension, resentment and frustration can take time to build. For some couples, the breaking point may come at seven years. In California, 10 years is another marital milestone built on both fact and fiction.

Could you be saddled with joint debts after divorce?

It almost goes without saying that you must protect your financial interests in a divorce. This can be accomplished by securing spousal or child support, or by ensuring that your marital property is divided equally.  However, while working to reach a financial settlement, divorcing parties must make certain that jointly held debts do not affect them in the future.

With that, there are two important considerations that divorcees should be aware.

How to deal with a difficult ex when co-parenting

In our last post, we highlighted how important it can be for divorcing parties to carefully consider how joint credit card or loan debts will be resolved, and how third-party creditors may not be bound by a court's divorce decree. Indeed, debt may be the impetus of a couple's feelings towards each other, but control (or at least the sense of it) may keep them at odds.

As family law attorneys, we see how one party can be obsessed with controlling the lives of their ex-spouse with the children. Sometimes control is relished by creating chaos by being petty, inflexible and defiant. And when a controlling ex feels (or realizes) that they do not have power, they have a difficult time dealing with it. This can make for contentious situations where you are trying to be as diplomatic as possible.

5 reasons to consider a collaborative divorce

If you're considering divorce, you may have come across a number of websites touting the advantages of collaborative divorce. You might think that, given your relationship, it couldn't ever work for you.

Here are five reasons why you should reconsider that initial feeling.

The effect of bitcoin on future divorces

In our last post, we highlighted the increasing popularity and value of bitcoins, a form of cryptocurrency being used by millions of consumers and merchants across the world. While bitcoin is not currently poised to overtake the U.S. dollar, British pound or euro anytime soon, it is widely accepted across online retailers. Bitcoin can be used to reserve rooms on Airbnb and Expedia, purchase furniture on Overstock, and buy video games on Ebay.

The anonymity, invisible nature and volatility of bitcoin and other forms of cryptocurrency can be difficult to manage in a divorce. There is little precedent detailing the accounting and division of such assets, mainly because most people don't understand how bitcoin works, where it can be located and what value is actually accurate.  It may be difficult to enforce court orders (such as an injunction) applied to bitcoin.

What all divorcing parties should know about bitcoin

Despite how angry they may be with the other spouse, and the lack of trust between soon-to-be ex-spouses, settling a marital property dispute ultimately works best for both parties. Unlike protracted litigation, there is no loser in a mediated settlement. A compromise saves time, money and emotional heartache.

But before a true settlement may be achieved, the parties must be open and honest about their finances. But when it comes to disclosing assets in the form of bitcoin and other forms of cryptocurrency, some spouses may not be completely forthcoming. 

What to expect when starting over

Our readers appreciate the technical knowledge we disseminate in our posts, but many appreciate knowing how their lives will change after a divorce is finalized. Indeed, people can describe what post-divorce life will be like, but in many cases a divorcee will simply have to experience it for themselves.

Nevertheless, it is helpful to know whether the feelings you are experiencing are normal. This post will put things in perspective.

3 steps to financial honesty in your relationship

Money does not grow on trees. It is not something most people come by easily or have in excess. It is quite the opposite for the average person. This can make finances a pain point in even the strongest relationships.

Talking about debt, account balances, small purchases, big purchases, short-term plans and long-term goals can be difficult and emotional. You may not agree with your spouse. You may be embarrassed by impulsive choices. You may think certain purchases are not a big deal.

Parents should avoid pressuring their children during divorce

We often discuss the emotional toll that a divorce may take on a couple, but we may not emphasize enough the impact a split may have on children. After all, few kids want their parents to break up or endure continued turmoil. In fact, they would rather have mommy and daddy to get along and stay together.

This is largely because kids don't always understand why divorces happen, much less the uncertainty that a divorce can bring. Because of this, it is important for parents to tread carefully when explaining what will happen to the kids during and after a divorce.

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