No one is perfect. That is a saying most of us have said and can personally relate to from time to time. When two people say, “I do,” there are two people in that marital relationship. That is two imperfect people who will engage in human behaviors that could be unhealthy and that will impact the other person in the marriage.
Even a divorce attorney would never tell you that divorce is fun. No one gets married with the idea of getting a divorce. No one is excited about the process. For the most part, divorce is a way for each spouse to start fresh and try to release themselves of the habits that might be holding back either one or both of the individuals from living a healthy life.
Psychologist John Guttmann’s marital research shows several common roots of unhappiness in marriage. The following are a couple of the problems the Doctor’s decades-long studies identified as predictors for divorce. Can you relate to any of these unhealthy relationship dynamics?
Pride and stubbornness
It is one thing to be confident and independent in aspects of your life; it is another thing to never allow your spouse to impact your choices and behavior. There are two people in a marriage, and both people should listen to the other if something is upsetting them. It is okay – often healthy – to alter one’s behavior for the better of the relationship. Of course, there are certain alterations that would go too far some people’s comfort and times when changing for another person is ultimately not healthy or worth it.
We live in a time of filters. A filter on an Instagram picture can take a selfie to a whole new level of beautiful. Those who apply filters to their critical conversations within a marriage might find a more beautiful marriage at the end. Harshness and honesty don’t have to go hand in hand. Couples wherein discussions include hasty and harsh words might ultimately lose trust in and respect for each other.
Some actions in a marriage lead to irreparable damage and the need for an ending. If you believe you and your spouse are at the point of no return to a happy union, reach out to a divorce lawyer who can help you get started with the family law process and who will explain the process options including mediation and collaborative divorce.