Divorces can be bitter, contentious events. This is especially true when they involve two people who hate each other or no longer trust or respect one another. However, this isn’t the way everyone feels when they file for divorce.
In fact, couples may file for divorce because they feel they have no other option or because they are unsatisfied with the current state of their marriage. They may still love and respect each other, but the relationship itself may not be working. Under these circumstances, the process of getting divorced could actually help two people reconcile.
As we have mentioned in previous posts, many divorces are resolved outside of a courtroom and through the mediation or collaborative practice processes. This means that two people have been actively working together to resolve various issues, from property division to parenting plans.
It can be a more supportive environment than people expect, and by working together, spouses may find it easier to communicate with each other openly and successfully resolve a number of problems. It also helps people prioritize the things in life that are important.
Perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising, then, that people sometimes get closer during this time and are able to work out other marital issues that led to divorce in the first place. While this certainly doesn’t happen in most divorces, it does happen. Recently, actor Patrick Dempsey and his wife called off their divorce, and actress Halle Berry and her husband Olivier Martinez could have their divorce case dismissed as they reassess their relationship.
While you probably shouldn’t expect that your divorce will lead to reconciliation, it can happen. Even if you don’t completely reconcile, you could find that you and your soon-to-be ex are more amicable toward each other than you expected. Having used the collaborative divorce process means that you and your soon to be ex=spouse will understand each other better and be more apt to resolve future issues in a positive manner. If you have been involved in a litigated divorce, often couples find it even more difficult, if not impossible, to communicate.
If you find yourself in this position, remember that you and your spouse can change your minds and put the divorce on hold and/or reconsider whether to divorce or not. Divorce is a complicated process, but it is one that you and your spouse have more control over than you think.