The upcoming holiday season can be one of anxiety, and uncertainty when it comes to sharing the children with the other parent during the holidays, when in the past you may have always celebrated the holidays together as one family. After a divorce or separation, many parents are left wondering what it will be like for the children and for themselves.
We as parents want to remember that we have the ability to make the holiday season a special and happy time of year for our children. There are things that we can do as parents to ensure this and possibly make it a little less difficult for our own emotions and the children’s emotions.
Share and Share Alike!
If a divorce or separation has occurred, there may be orders that the court has put into effect regarding any parenting and visitation time. This may include a rotation between parents each year as to what day they will have the child/children. It is important to follow any existing orders made by the court. If parents can come to an agreement regarding the holidays, for example, by rotating which parent will have the children on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day each year can be a good thing for the children as they will be able to celebrate with each parent during the holiday season and continue to create beautiful memories.
Communication is King!
Although spending each day during the holiday with only one parent can be difficult for a child as this is a break from what they have been used to in celebrating together as one family. One way to minimize the effect of the new norm and to alleviate some of the difficult feeling associated with not spending the holidays as one family unit as before, you can provide an opportunity for the children to speak with the other parent, via FaceTime, Skype or simply over the phone.
Can there be a Truce?
Most families have created traditions when it comes to celebrating the holidays. It is greatly suggested that we as parents try to find a way to incorporate these traditions in the holiday celebrations to give the children a sense of normality. For example, if possible, engage in shared time for present opening, to include the parent who may not have the children, on a day, such as Christmas morning. This may provide a wonderful and particularly special experience for the child/children if the parents can ensure a healthy environment during such a time.
Don’t Rub Me the Wrong Way!
Although it is hopeful that parents, after divorce or separation, can be amicable, the realization is that it may be a very difficult time in coming together after going through the process of ending the marriage or relationship.
It is important to remember that the holiday season brings with it its own unique stress that can exacerbate the already negative emotions a parent may have against the other parent who is an Ex. The trick is to put your full focus on what is best for the child/children to ensure they will not suffer during a time that is meant to be happy and joyful. In doing so, you will be making your children the biggest priority and this will in turn reduce the conflict that can arise due to a shared custody arrangement during a time that is most important to your family.
Bend the Knee and Be Flexible!!
Both parents should agree to a specific time of year to confer regarding the upcoming holiday season. Coming together to agree on holiday schedules each year can be very beneficial and prevent some of the issues that may come up close to the holidays that cause conflict between the parents, regarding where and when the children shall be with one or the other parent. Further, this type of agreement and flexibility early enough in the year provides knowledge of each parents plans long before the child/children will be inquiring about it.
These are just a couple of suggestions that can help with the holiday hopping from parent to parent during the holidays, making it merry and bright for the children and ultimately for the parents as well.
We here at Bartholomew & Wasznicky LLP, would like to wish you and your family a healthy and happy holiday season!