Adjusting to shared custody can be very difficult for parents. Most adults have a hard time going multiple days without seeing their children. Separation from the children can be more anxiety-inducing and upsetting on certain days as opposed to others.
For many people, the holidays are a time when they strongly desire time with their families. Children are often the inspiration to have a big family celebration and the main source of joy for their parents during the holidays. Parents may find it very difficult to share custody during the holidays in particular. The three tips below can help make the adjustment to the new co-parenting arrangement a bit easier for everyone in the household.
Establish a reasonable shared parenting time schedule
There are numerous different ways for parents to divide time with their children around the holidays. They can alternate holidays or split them in half. They could even have shared family celebrations in scenarios with low levels of conflict. Being realistic about the ability to spend time together without detracting from the children’s enjoyment can help parents determine which approach might be the best option for their family.
Cooperate, instead of compete, regarding gifts
Some parents fall into a trap where they start competing with each other over who can give the children the biggest or best presents. They may go into debt around the holidays or might even buy the exact same gifts as one another. Parents who communicate about what gifts they intend to give and work together instead of against each other can achieve a more harmonious and happy holiday for the entire family. They can avoid overextending themselves while still ensuring that the children receive gifts that they are excited to open.
Start new traditions while respecting old ones
Sometimes, co-parents can maintain existing family traditions, such as seeing the grandparents on Christmas Eve or decorating cookies before the holidays. Other traditions may be harder to maintain once the parents start living separately. It can be worthwhile to discuss how to continue those traditions. Each parent can also make a point of establishing a few new traditions that the children can look forward to enjoying with them in particular. As with gift-giving, coordinating instead of competing in this area is often the best approach.
Parents don’t want their conflicts to detract from their children’s enjoyment of the holiday season in most cases. Being proactive about establishing realistic child custody arrangements can help families adjust to celebrating across two households after a divorce or non-marital separation.