Many view divorce as an adversarial match where there is a winner and a loser. For those who hold that view, they want to be the one who comes out victorious and for their spouse to suffer in defeat. The reality is when people approach their divorce seeking to “win”, they more often create their own losses of time by fighting in the court process, money due to high litigation costs, and more importantly to their children who are often stuck in the middle of the hostility.
But the right way, and the greater win, is when both parties work together to resolve their issues in an amicable and respectful manner.
Healthy Supported Children
When children are involved, the biggest win is when children can come out of the divorce process feeling loved and supported by both parents. Absent violence or abuse, it is generally in the best interest of the children to have an ongoing and healthy relationship with both parents.
Dragging the other parent through the mud, with exaggerated claims and false allegations in order to “win” custody, will only serve to harm your children because it deprives them of time with a parent they love. Remember, the two of you may have fallen out of love but that does not mean your children have as well. They should not feel guilty for loving and wanting to spend time with the other parent and the best way to truly “win” is to help foster and maintain that frequent contact.
There’s no arguing that going through a divorce can be costly but the majority of the costs are incurred by spouses who are unwilling to compromise and come to an agreement. Having an attorney litigate your case in court is both time-consuming and expensive. While there are times when litigation is necessary, it is important to look at your situation and evaluate how much you are willing to lose financially just to “win”.
Respectful and honest communication with your spouse to figure out how you will handle parenting time, support, and dividing property/debt obligations is the winning way to go. Through working together, you will not only have a more peaceful and amicable divorce but it can also reduce stress and enhance your well-being in the process.
If you would like to work out an agreement but you and your spouse need assistance with opening the lines of communication, working with a Mediator or going through the collaborative divorce process could be great options for both of you.