Domestic violence crosses all lines – no group of people is immune to the effects of domestic violence. Violence does not discriminate nor is it exclusive to an ethnic group, a socio-economic group, any faith group, or gender group. Domestic violence is perpetrated by both men and women.
Women are not the only victims of DV – men report DV in their relationships, children report living in households with DV, and teens report DV in their dating relationships. A 2000 study from the U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually. A 2005 DOJ study using crime statistics estimates that there were 191,553 teens (under age 18) assaulted by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
When parties who are experiencing DV in their relationships seek the assistance of the family courts, they often discover that the courts are not designed to handle their often high conflict cases. Available remedies may be limited, particularly for parties with few to no financial resources to retain an attorney. The family courts do not intend to put up barriers to parties seeking assistance, but the courts themselves have restraints as to the assistance they can provide, and the court must follow existing laws, which can be confusing and difficult to comprehend to someone not trained in the law.
Restraining orders are available, but parties must navigate the rocks and shoals of properly completing the forms, filing the forms, obtaining temporary orders and court dates, and serving the restrained party with the temporary restraining order. Again, these roadblocks are not intended to prevent people from obtaining the protection they need, but are intended to ensure that both parties’ rights are protected in the court system. Also, restraining orders are not always effective; advocates and lawyers must always remind their DV clients that “a restraining order is just a piece of paper”.
When the court focuses on the perpetrator’s right to be heard, victims of DV often ask why the rights of the perpetrator are or should be protected, why isn’t the victim the primary focus of the process. There are no easy answers to this question. It is often difficult for a victim who may have been severely physically abused or threatened with physical violence to understand why a family court judge cannot simply look at the allegations they make and grant the orders they are seeking. While the victim needs protection from someone who is abusing them, the perpetrator also has the right to know what they are being accused of doing and has the right to respond to such accusations. Just as a victim has the right to make the accusations, the perpetrator has the right to respond or answer the accusations. The court must ensure that both parties’ rights to accuse and respond are protected. The court is not trying to make the process more difficult for a victim, but the process is set up in such a way that both parties can access the court to accuse or respond to accusations. The court must be the neutral arbitrator in this process. It is important for family law attorneys to explain the situation to a victim so that they understand that the “system” is not “out to get them” or is not “protecting the abuser” but is designed to protect the rights of both parties to be heard. I have found in my years of practice working with domestic violence victims that when I use that phrasing it makes sense to my client – they want to be heard so they ‘get’ that both parties should be heard. I explain that once both parties are heard, that the judge can make their decision, because the judge will have gotten the information the judge needs to make an informed decision. Victims will not necessarily feel like the system works perfectly, especially when a judge does not rule in their favor; if a victim knows the judge does want to hear their side, this can often be satisfactory emotionally.
Being heard is critical for victims of domestic violence who have been told by their abusers, and from well-meaning family members and friends, and even from law enforcement, to keep quiet about the abuse.
* The State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization
